Forever in my Heart
by lunamaria23
Summary: I know I will never forget her. I love Lacus, and that's what I truly feel, but she still holds a special place in my heart. Is it possible to love two people in this lifetime? As much as I want to and as much as I try, I can never think only of Lacus. She will always be there inside my mind and heart... saying, "My true feelings will protect you." (Rated M for Lemon)
1. Years Gone By

Forever in my Heart

_"I've always regretted the day when Fllay died Lacus," Kira said softly with more than sadness in his eyes. Though it was the first time he said it to her, he knew that Lacus had already known it even from the start. She touched his left cheek with her right hand and held one of his hands with the other. Kira looked at Lacus earnestly and tried to hold back his tears. "I'm sorry for making you hear this, Lacus." With that Lacus just smiled and replied, "People will always regret some things in their life, Kira... and you're not an exception." He saw nothing but kindness in her eyes and he could say that he was relieved, even just for a little. He was thankful because Lacus had always been there even when he was so unsure of himself – of his past and his bittersweet memories.  
_

Chapter 1: Years Gone By

If I can make my way to the other side of sorrow  
Then I'd like to not feel anything beyond this anymore.  
–Kanashimi no Mukou he, Itou Kanako

It was still four in the afternoon but the sky didn't give any hint of the time as the usual bright sun was hidden by the gray lumps of cotton and the hotness was replaced by the cool breeze of the sea. Kira had been reading a novel while sitting on an old wooden chair out in the balcony when he saw the sky fade into gray hues. He stood up and watched the seagulls fly over the sea. Though the day was so gloomy, the seagulls were still flying around. Kira admired them of their ability to carry on even though things had already changed. "I wish I were just something like them," he thought simply. With a sigh, he turned around and saw a pink haired girl looking so worried at him. It was Lacus.

It wasn't the first time when this happened. When he was worried, she would always be there somewhere even when he didn't know. He wasn't so surprised of her appearance but he would always be curious of how she could sneak in and be behind him without making so much sound.

"Ah, sorry. I didn't notice you," he said apologetically.

"That's fine, Kira. What have you been thinking?" Lacus smiled.

Lacus' smile never failed to brighten him no matter when. She had this soothing and peaceful aura that would make you cheer up or just make you cast your troubles away no matter how grave your problems were.

"Nothing," he smiled back. "Let's go back in to the children; it's going to rain soon. You won't want to make Suzuki cry because of the thunder."

Kira and Lacus, after the war, decided to live in an orphanage by the sea and take care of the children there. There had been sixteen people the first time they arrived in the house they're living in but unfortunately three died because of the war. Lacus was especially fond of Suzuki, and Kira of someone called Izuna.

Upon entering the room where all the children had assembled, Lacus sat on the corner of the room and called for Suzuki. The rain started to pour, its sound slowly turning into a grumble. Then, Lacus sang one of her favorite songs – Fields of Hope. She had always done this whenever the children seemed afraid. She did it once during an earthquake and her voice always seemed to calm them down. They stayed like that until the rain stopped. Fortunately, it was nothing but a light rain. While waiting, Kira fell asleep sitting on the sofa with Izuna's head on his lap. Everything looked peaceful and Lacus smiled. She walked to the center of the room to wake him up then she heard him mutter a name.

The night came and Lacus tucked the children into their sleep. She then went back to her room. Her room which is also Kira's was small with blue walls. Kira was already lying on the bed and was sleeping soundly. He seemed so tired even though he did nothing that day. The room contained nothing but of Lacus' Haro and Kira's Torii. Lacus reached for the lamp and turned it off. With the room full of darkness, Lacus started undressing herself. She first undid the ribbon on her dress. Then, she let her dress fall. Lacus, just with her underwear, slowly came into Kira and kissed him. Her lips visited his shoulders then his cheek and finally his mouth. She broke away and that's when she heard him, "_Fllay."_

"Yes, Kira. I'm Fllay," Lacus just said and went to kiss him once again. Gently at first, then it slowly became a fight of tongues and clash of teeth. "Fllay," he muttered again. "Fllay," he repeated. "Yes, Kira, yes." Lacus just pretended. Kira grabbed one of Lacus' arms and pushed her so that he was the one on top. Kira pinned one of her arms and kissed her again. While kissing her, he tried to remove his own shirt. They both fixed themselves on a sitting position and Lacus helped him remove his shirt and also his trousers. Both of them, now barely clothed, stood. Kira removed her panties and pinned her at the wall with Lacus facing the wall. Kira brushed his manhood at the back of Lacus' butt. _"Fllay, I love you."_

Lacus, of course, was hurt. Sex like this had always been one of the things they do before sleeping. Kira's fully aware that it's Lacus he's actually doing but they had an agreement that Lacus would help him fill his desires... and one of them was this – sex with _Fllay. _Years had already gone by, and it's long since Fllay's dead but Kira had always yearned for her. He had always wanted her. He promised he'd protect her but then he couldn't. Lacus, her legs wobbly because of the sensation Kira's giving her, slid down the wall. Kira followed and removed his underwear. He also removed hers. He put his penis on Lacus' tight vagina and they moved toward each other. Slow, then fast. Lacus reached for Kira's hair and grabbed onto it. "Hmm, faster, Kira, faster," she said. Kira fucked her faster and faster. Lacus bit her hair. No one must hear them. The door was not locked. Every room in the orphanage should be open in case of emergency.

"Fllay..." Kira called softly. "I'm cumming."

Slightly louder, he repeated. "I'm cumming," but he still didn't stop.

"It's okay, Kira. Let it all out," Lacus just said. A second later, she could feel it – his semen filling her.

"_Fllay, I love you."_

Kira withdrew his penis soon after that and sat on the bed. Lacus stood in front of him and Kira, even though it's dark, could see her sexy figure very clearly.

"Come closer..." he almost whispered. When Lacus was very near to him, he put two fingers into her wet pussy and explored her area. Lacus moaned. Kira then moved his fingers rapidly. Lacus gave a slight shout. "You're not supposed to make that sound, you know. Do you want us to stop?" Kira asked her. Lacus, whose body's overflowing with pleasure, shook her head. "No... Kira... no... ple... please... continue," she said between breaths.

It was two in the morning. Kira woke up naked and looked at the girl beside him. He reached for her underwear and slowly put it on her. This had been one of his habits out of these years. They always had sex, and he would always put her panties back on her before she would woke up. Lacus knew he was doing this, but she didn't mind. He might love Fllay, but Lacus would always love Kira more. Kira then went to shower. He looked at the mirror, water dripping from his hair and all over his body. He thought of what he did to Lacus the night before and just said, "Kira, idiot!"


	2. Let Me Love You

**Hi there! This is actually my first fanfic so please do forgive some flaws. I also request for you to read and review. Any comments to improve the story will be nice, and I'd be glad for a beta reader! Reviews shall serve as my inspiration to continue this fiction~**

Chapter 2: Let Me Love You

If I've a wish to be granted,

it would be to see you just once more.

–Namida no Riyuu, Kuribayashi Minami

That night Kira didn't go to sleep. He was afraid of doing anything to Lacus again. How many times did he actually have pleasure but he just gave Lacus a hard time? Kira stayed away from the room where all of those things happened and lied awake in the living room's sofa. He tried to sleep but thoughts of Lacus and Fllay flooded his mind. He closed his eyes and tried to drive all those thoughts away, but they still remained. Finally, he just decided to watch the night sky and feel the calming sea breeze. He was about to open the door and head outside when he heard footsteps. "Onii-chan?" a boy hidden in the shadows asked but Kira knew him well. It was Izuna – the closest boy to him in the orphanage.

"Izuna, why are you still awake?"

Izuna walked closer to Kira and smiled in the moonlight, "Why are you?"

Kira slightly smiled, touched the boy's cheek and patted his head, "Won't you like to take a walk with me?" Izuna, in response, just grabbed Kira's hand and nodded. "Let's go, onii-chan!"

Kira then carried him outside and together they watched the serenity of the night sky and sea.

"Hey onii-chan, can we go in the park's playground later today when the sun's up?" he asked with eagerness.

"When was the last time you played in the park?" Kira responded.

"Hmm, three weeks ago?" Izuna counted with his tiny fingers.

Kira adored this scene and smiled of Izuna's innocence. When was it that he actually didn't mind of the past and thought of only the present? He knew that it's a sin to forget what happened all the way... that it's unforgivable to forget all those who died during the war, but until when should he live with all the guilt of his previous life? He pushed these questions aside and just said, "We'll go and tell the others after you've rested, okay?"

"Okay!" Izuna smiled approvingly. After this, Kira went and carried Izuna back to the house and rested for the coming morning. Kira, thinking that Lacus must be already sleeping soundly, decided to spend the remaining hours in _their_ room.

Hours passed and the sun rose. Lacus woke up to see Kira beside her. Not wanting to disturb Kira's sleep, she went out of the bed carefully and readied herself for the day. She did the usual chores and prepared breakfast for everybody. After cooking breakfast, she went and woke the children. When Lacus reached Izuna's room, she saw the boy already up playing with his small stuffed giraffe. This seemed unusual because he was the sleepyhead of the family.

"I see you're already awake so early, Izuna-kun," she said while opening the windows of the room. This let the sunlight and the morning air in. In the orphanage there were five rooms – one room for Lacus and Kira, three bigger rooms for the children and another for Reverend Malchio who unfortunately died just the last month because of an illness.

"Kira-nii agreed to go to the park today," he just smiled. Lacus looked at the smiling figure and thought for a moment _Am I forgetting something?_

Izuna then continued, "It's the Jachin Due Memorial Day, Lacus-nee! Did you forget?"

Lacus put her hand on her mouth and apologized to Izuna. Out of all people, _Lacus_ forgot the day. The Jachin Due Memorial Day was an annual event especially important to Kira. It was a sort of memorial to all those who died in the Jachin Due Battle. That was when Kira lost his first love. That was when he lost Fllay.

"I'm sorry, Izuna-kun! Don't you worry; we'll go to the park as soon as all is prepared. I suggest you take a bath or something already," she just told the child and bid him temporary farewell as she went back to her room, Kira already up waiting for her.

Kira was sitting on the edge of the bed with an unfathomable expression on his face. There was a sense of seriousness, repentance, sadness and guilt embedded on his eyes so convicted that even Lacus might not make the ultimate coordinator budge an inch from his position. Lacus figured that maybe words wouldn't work to him now and just sat beside him. Lacus then slowly leaned on Kira's hard but comfortable shoulder.

"It's been another year, Kira," Lacus finally broke the silence after some few minutes. Kira did nothing. Thinking that talking about Fllay would probably just drive Kira further away from her, she shifted the conversation and spoke, "Kira, if it's... about the other night... I'm still up to it." The once so firm man slowly put Lacus' head aside and looked at her. "Lacus... it's just that I _don't_ want to anymore. I was stupid to do that to you."

Lacus, shocked, stood and walked slightly away from him. "Why? Don't you want to be comforted by Fllay anymore? I can be your Fllay no matter when. I promised you that, didn't I?"

Kira said nothing and came close to her. Then, he hugged her. "I'm sorry... let's just not talk about it now, okay?" With that, Kira broke away and left the dumbfounded Lacus in the room.

The park was full of people. Though it was expected, Kira thought that there had been more than the usual number in the vicinity for the event. For this year's Memorial Day, a new coordinator female idol decided to perform some songs for everyone. When everybody was settled, each one offered a prayer to the sacrificed souls. After a moment of silence, the female idol sang a cheerful tone. This marked the end of the silent prayers and so people started to go their ways. For one who actually experienced the war, especially to one who killed many, the so called memorial was next to nothing. Offering a prayer and a song just like that, it wasn't something so special but, at least, the effort was there. They remembered or, to be more specific, they _tried_ to remember.

Lacus and Kira guided the children to the park's playground and granted them two hours of fun. Every child then ran and went to enjoy the place. Lacus and Kira both sat on a park bench and watched the children, making sure that no one got hurt or so.

"Hey, Lacus. I want to tell you something," Kira suddenly said.

"Is it about a while ago?" Lacus almost whispered.

"I don't want to treat you bad anymore..." Kira responded and stood. He then kneeled in front of her. He reached out for one of her hands and held it. That's when he simply said, "Hey..."

"No," Lacus interrupted him.

"Can you... can you... let... let me..." Kira was stuttering.

He squeezed Lacus' hand with much force and finally confessed, "Can you _**let me love you?**_"

Lacus gasped upon hearing the words. "What do you mean?"

"I just don't want to hurt you anymore. I want to truly love you because you loved me all this time. I don't want to pretend that you're Fllay anymore. I want to return all the love you've given me since the beginning, Lacus."

Upon hearing this, Lacus' tears of joy fell. She could say nothing but just thank God for this moment.

"_My feelings never changed even after all these years. Still I love you, Kira."_


End file.
